Bluegrass Gravy

How can you tell the difference between the thousands of banjo tunes?
By their titles!

What's the difference between a long-neck and standard banjo?
The long-neck one takes more time to burn.

Why did the banjo player move his house two feet?
To take the slack out of his clothes line.

I hear there's a new parachute made especially for banjo players.
It opens on impact.

How do you sink a banjo players submarine?
You knock on the hatch.

What should you do if you run over a banjo?
Back up, pull forward, back up...

What do you call a good musician at a banjo contest?
A visitor.

What is the best & fastest way to tune a banjo?
With wire cutters!

What can you never say about a banjo player?
There's the banjo player's Porsche.

What do you say to a banjo player in a three piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise."

How do you get two banjo players to play in unison?
Shoot one.

When do banjo songs sound the best?
When they're over.

How many banjo jokes are there in existence?
Only three, the rest are true stories.

Why was the banjo player staring intently at the orange juice?
Because it said, "Concentrate."

How is a banjo player like a courtroom trial?
Everyone is relieved when the case is finally closed!

Why don't banjo players play hide-and-go-seek?
Cause nobody goes to find them.

What do you call a skeleton of a banjo player found in a closet?
Last years hide-and-go-seek champion.

What has 16 legs & 3 teeth.
The front row of a banjo workshop.

Why do Dobro players keep their fingerpicks hid in the glove compartment?
In case of an accident, they don't want to be mistaken for a banjo player.

Why don't banjo players have cats?
Now you know where strings come from.

What is the difference between a banjo and an Uzi submachine gun?
An Uzi only repeats 40 times.

What's the difference between a banjo player and a mutual fund?
The mutual fund will eventually mature and make money.

What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

What's the perfect note on a banjo?
It's when you toss it in a dumpster and it lands on a bagpipe.

What's the best way the drive a banjo player crazy?
Tell him you de-tuned one of his strings, and when he asks, refuse to tell him which one.

What the difference between a banjo picker and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?
It's a trick question...banjo players can't afford electricity.

One day a man was sitting alone crying. A guy comes up to him and asks him what is wrong. The man said he went shopping and left his banjo in the car with the windows open.  He said when he came back to his car there were two more banjos inside.

A guitarist and a banjo player fall off the Empire State Building - who hits the ground first?
The guitarist, the banjo player has to stop halfway and re-tune.

Terrorists hijacked a busload of banjo pickers. They threatened to release one every hour until their demands were met.

How do you keep someone from stealing your nice guitar?
Put it in a banjo case.

Three banjo players riding in a car.  Who is driving?
The Sheriff.